The Beatles sang, "Love is all you need."  

I wish you a loving day. Valentine's Day is more than red hearts and sweet chocolates. Valentines' Day reminds us that love is an essential part of our lives.  Love comes in all shapes and forms. I want to share with you some basic concepts I've learned that might inspire you on this special day and over the coming year.

1. LOVE IS A FUNCTION OF COMMUNICATION: Everything we do or say happens in conversations with others or us. We are most close to those we love when there is talk and connection between each other.  Do you spend time to speak with those you love?  It doesn't matter whether it is good news or not.  What is most important is to say what matters most to you. People love people who give of themselves.

2. LOVE IS A VERB: Actions do speak louder than words and words have power. Do you make the extra call or meet for a quiet dinner in the midst of all the busy activities in your life? 

3. YOUR CONCERNS ARE NOW MY CONCERNS: That is the clearest declaration of love and caring you can have for another. This means going beyond not because you have to but will no matter what.

4. LET THEM HEAR IT!  Let them know how much you appreciate who they are and how they make you feel whether that means having the perfect dinner or whether it's your favorite hot dog stand. Telling loved ones in the moment and acknowledging them most importantly can be so meaningful to them and to you. 

5. BE GRATEFUL: How often in our haste we forget how fortunate we are to have loving people around us.  We are blessed in so many ways.  If you have love in your life in any form you are truly blessed.  And for that be grateful that these people have come into your life. 

One way to keep structured is to develop a new habit – one to replace the old one.  We read that it takes 21 days to change a habit or develop a new one.  I wanted to share the steps to create a new habit and vice versa.

Whatever the habit – good or bad, understanding the steps can only help you to reach your goals.

Habits are consistent behavior over time till whatever you do becomes natural.  Here is a three step system for creating a habit over 30 days.

1. Launch – 1-10 days

The launch cycle is the hardest part of creating a habit.  This cycle takes rigor and a commitment to change.  When a rocket is put into space 85% of the fuel is burnt on the ground.  The amount of energy and conscious focus to propel the object into space is enormous; so too with creating and implementing a new habit. 

If we take a diet as an example, we find that by the third or fourth day people get off the line.  They become bored or they do not have enough information about a diet that can work for them.  The motivation to continue dissolves. 

If you find yourself off the line, get back on it. 

What we also find is about the fifth and sixth day, your body starts to crave the consistency.  You see this with exercise.  Your critical time is ten days.

2. Maintenance– 10-20 days

By the time you hit the maintenance cycle you’ll find the habit becomes easier.  It starts to get into your body.  What was difficult becomes almost automatic.  Your ability to be consistent is easier.  This is one of the reasons why great musicians like Kenny Brescia and Eric Clapton play and practice daily. 

3. Cruise control – 20 – 30 days

The habit is in place.  What was difficult is part of you.  It’s a natural extension of you. You may actually think back and wonder, what was I thinking when that other habit was happening.  Actually you weren’t thinking.  You were on automatic.  This time you decided differently.

4. Do it NOW.

Whether you make the promise to someone else it’s a promise to yourself.  What happens when someone breaks a promise to you – you don’t feel so good about them?  Right?  If they continue to break their promises to you, you begin to not trust them.  In time you either say they’re a blowhard or worse you want nothing to do with them.

Consider all the goals you said you were going to do and never started and the goals you never completed.  Can you see why having goals in this state of limbo can have a negative effect on you?  This is a perfect opportunity for your internal negative self-talk to pop up and start beating you up. 

When you have these incompletions over time, it affects your self-esteem.  Why? You start to lose trust in yourself, accept you can’t have nothing to do with them, because you are them. 

So here is a great exercise.

Critical to these exercises is doing the work.  It’s always best to not blame yourself.  You are doing the best you can.  This is probably new information.  Make a commitment to yourself to not accuse or judge yourself.  Just do the exercise. 

List as many incompletions in your life.  This is going to help you decide what you want to take on.  What goal you want to work on over the coming weeks.  We need to clean as many as you can?  Here’s how you clean those incompletions.

FORGIVE yourself meaning, it’s OK to move forward with a new commitment to do the best you can to complete the goal.  You’re going to watch, if and when you hit the wall over the coming weeks. Let them go!  Let it go!

In last week’s article The Power to Concentration I wrote about memory and focus and concentration.  I’ve done a great deal of study on these subjects because frankly these have been issues for me in the past.  I did talk about the Law of Association. Amongst my study I came across a great book on the subject from an expert in the field Theron Q. Dumont in his work “Concentration”. I recommend reading and studying his writings.

Being able to focus on a task, or concentrate for long periods of time, is unfortunately one of the side-effects of having ADD or ADHD. Lack of focus and concentration can affect a multitude of areas in our lives, from our personal relationships, keeping on top of paying our bills on time, to our business where perhaps we may miss an important meeting, costing us a project.

But you know these issues and obstacles are very personal.  It’s important to pay attention to your particular signs, symptoms and behaviors that continue to arise around focus and concentration.

For example, do you become bored, anxious and fidgety when you have to focus on something for a long time? Learning to live with this drawback is essential if you want to be successful in your personal and professional life. 

Let's face it, being able to concentrate and focus on a task to accomplish what you set out to do is going to make you feel better, give you a sense of security and give you certainty. I will tell you – you can learn the skills necessary to overcome these obstacles.  There are principles and practices you can put into place around memory, focus and concentration but for now here are some suggestions you can try to keep you on task.  Try them out and see how they fit in your life. 

Break Time?

Taking frequent breaks or time outs from whatever you're working on, can help you maintain focus. This doesn't mean that you should take long breaks, but sometimes, just a few minutes can help you get back to work with renewed focus.

Atmosphere

Keep tabs on what keeps you focused. For example, the atmosphere you work in can have a huge effect on your focus and concentration. For example, are you a person who, surrounded by noise or distractions, such as a TV or radio blaring away in the background, has difficulty staying on task? Or are you a person who excels at having several stimuli running at once to help you TO stay focused?

Whatever it may be, discover and maintain a working environment that is conducive to concentration. Whatever those distractions, may I recommend it to be free of distractions. Clear the decks for your success.

Turn Off Your Email

If you work on the computer a lot, email can be very distracting. Sometimes it chimes whenever you get an email, and checking it is tantamount to losing focus. When you're planning on getting down to work, turn off the email and get down to business.

Another suggestion is to set a specific time during the day to read your emails.  My time is 3:30 PM unless I have a client. 

Make Yourself Comfortable

Physical discomfort can be very distracting. Check yourself before you start.  How’s your mood?  How are you feeling?  Is what you need within reach easily?  Do you need a more comfortable chair?  These are simple questions but not necessarily easy to follow through on. 

Purpose
What is your big picture and vision you have for completing what you started?  What is your commitment to overcoming these obstacles? What are your goals and tasks that you need to accomplish?  How will you feel when you have accomplished what you set out to do?  Is this the best use of my time right now to get me closer to my goals? 

Keep these questions in the front of your mind.  Keep asking them.  They can help greatly with your ability to focus and concentrate.

Good luck and let me know how I can help you along your journey.  Contact me any time at frank@addcoachinggroup.com.

I used to get very upset but I had to accept that forgetting happens to me.  I have a saying to keep me humble and peaceful:

I love my ADD.  It keeps reminding me how much I forget

Human beings forget because they do not concentrate their mind on their purpose, especially at the moment they conceive it. We remember only that which makes a deep impression. We must first deepen our impressions by associating in our minds certain ideas that are related to them. Concentrate so you won’t forget

I keep my keys in a specific place so I know where they are and I can remember quickly where to find them.  I have this 1950’s silver like tray I picked up some place.  It’s my “everything has its place” tray.  Keys = Silver tray.

The same rule holds good in regard to more important things. But here’s how I remembered to remember.  The first time I did this, I said to myself.  I’m walking out the door and the place I put my keys – the silver tray – is on the piano.  When I come home I’ll remember to put them there.  On the way home I’m am thinking, my keys will go in the silver tray on the piano.  It’s become a habit.  I very rarely forget where I put my keys now.

The mind is governed by laws of association, such as the law that ideas which enter the mind at the same time emerge at the same time, one assisting in recalling the others.

The reason why people cannot remember what they want to is that they have not concentrated sufficiently on their purpose at the moment when what they wanted to remember was formed.

You can train yourself to remember by paying attention and concentrating on your purpose, in line with the laws of association.

When once you form this habit, attention becomes focused and memory can be trained. Then your memory, instead of failing you at crucial moments, becomes a valuable asset in your every-day work. If I can’t remember I wait.  I accept I can’t remember and tell myself I will.  Just relax. I do not panic.  It’s going to come to me and I go about my business.  The moment my expectation goes away so many times it hits me – I remember.

All great people concentrate and owe their success to it. If you want to be able to solve difficult problems or simply remember where you put your keys you must learn to do the same.

Here goes.

You’re moving along.  Everything is humming.  Suddenly out of nowhere you stop.  You’re hearing those limiting voices telling you this is a waste of time.  Now you’re more concerned about what is not working in your life?  You’re a guy in a diner spending time complaining about this and that?  The complaining is easier than working as best you can to get the work done – no matter what? So now what?

Think bigger than those limiting voices would have you believe.  Create a new story about who you are and what you want.  In the words of Rocky, “Go for it.”

Shifting your thinking away from problems to successes creates opportunities in your personal and professional life.  When we’re in a success zone, we just feel healthier.

Here’s a simple and powerful exercise that can transform you from being a victim to leader. Just try it for a week:

1. Make a decision to ignore the temptation to say or do anything negative.  This includes criticism, judgment, make wrong or whatever to those people around you including YOURSELF! 

2. If you realize you are saying or doing anything negative shift it to something positive. I.e., “Can you believe how the sales person spoke to me?  To “Sometimes people have rough days, I know what that’s all about.”

3. Focus on your successes.  During your day write down five successes, accomplishments, wins as well as acknowledgements daily.

4. If you’re lacking motivation, ask yourself, who can I serve today?  Who can I inspire to go beyond where they believe they are stuck?

5. Do your best to eliminate your tendency towards negative self-talk.  If you hear those voices, tell them to go away.  Find a safe place to scream, “”Get away!”  I don’t recommend you do this when you’re in a meeting.  You can scream silently. If you forget to do the exercise one day, let it go and start again. If you’re able to do it one day; you’ve hit a homerun.  If you forget to do it at all and remember you could have; celebrate remembering you weren’t able to do this for whatever the reason – then start again. You can’t change what you don’t know you want to change.  Yeah! You’re a winner.

First and foremost a goal is a promise to do something in a future.  The promise is – “I promise to complete (X) goal by (Y) date.”

The interesting thing about this is most people do not consider a goal a promise.  You see it’s a particular kind of promise.  Whether you make the promise to someone else, it’s a promise to yourself.

 What happens when someone breaks a promise to you? You don’t feel so good about them? Right?  If they continue to break their promises to you, you begin to not trust them.  In time you either say they’re a blow hard or worse you want nothing to do with them. Trust and self-esteem are interrelated when this happens. Now let’s add incompletions to the mix.

Consider all the goals you said you were going to do and never started and/or the goals you never completed.  Having goals in this state of limbo can have a negative effect on you.  This is a perfect opportunity for your internal negative self-talk to pop up and start beating you up for not delivering on your promises. 

Incompletions affect your self-esteem.  Why? You start to lose trust in yourself accept you can’t have nothing to do with them . .  . because you are them. 

So here is a great exercise.

Before you begin make a commitment to yourself to not accuse or judge yourself.  Realize you’re gathering information.  Above all do the work. 

List as many incompletions in your life as you can remember.  This may  help you decide what you want to take on next.  This may be a new goal you want to work on during the coming week, month and/or year.  By listing them you begin the process of cleaning and clearing them up.  Here’s how you clean and clear the remaining incompletions.

Forgive yourself meaning it’s OK to move forward with a new commitment to do the best you can to complete you next goal.  Forgive yourself and commit to learning what it takes to start and complete a goal in order to get a result you want to have in your life.  You’re going to watch if and when you hit the wall over the coming weeks.

Experience where difficulties arise and what you might do differently in the future to reach your goals. 

Now let the incompletions go!  Give them up! Time to move on and start anew.

When you are able to complete some of the incompletions, you’ll begin to trust yourself again.  As you trust yourself more, notice how good you feel.  Watch how your sense of self-worth and self-esteem increase.  When your self-esteem is in order you can’t help but feel powerful.  Stand in your power and brilliance.  Time to knock down a new goal.

Remember, it’s all good.

One of the questions asked on the call which I think is well-worth sharing with you was:

What would your life be like if you didn’t have to worry about procrastination?

I urge you to think about this as we move into 2012.  It’s a great time to see what you want to accomplish as well as review the past year.  We’re finding out procrastination seeps into every area of our lives.  The inability to start or complete what you want can lead to incompletions.  Incompletions lead to lots and lots of problems with self-esteem.  So if you’re not feeling yourself and your anxious or worried, the first place to look where didn’t I keep my promises?  Taking care to clean up your promises will help tremendously with increasing your self-esteem. Cleaning them up also addresses areas of your life where you have difficulty with procrastination.

Here’s something to consider.  Do you know the difference between an activity and productivity?  The difference is in the result.  An activity is moving forward, getting into action just to get things completed.  There is little planning.  It’s action for action sake. 

Productivity is directed towards specific goals.  Productivity takes planning and one-foot in front of the other, consistent action to reach ones’ personal and professional goals. 

It is also critical in overcoming procrastination. 

These are literally the proverbial tip of the iceberg.  There is so, so, so much valuable material in the recording that I truly hope you get a chance to listen.

In more of an opportunity is the upcoming Teleseries on reaching your goals in 2012. I invite all of you to sign up for the teleseries Power through Procrastination – Reach Your 2012 Goals starting Tuesday, December 20, 2011 at 8 PM; www.powerthroughprocrastination.com. 

We will really dig into Your Procrastination Story to help you reach your goals and to break the back of procrastination.  This is a results-oriented, solution-driven 4 week program.  We’ll work on an issue over the course of the teleseries. 

Please click here www.powerthroughprocrastination.com to find out more. 

You can also send me an email at frank@addcoachinggroup.com with any questions.  We’ll set up a time to talk. You can also book time with me for a complimentary strategy session at https://my.timedriver.com/PJV1P

Procrastination can be deadly to your self-esteem, bank account, personal relationships and health.  So why must you put up with this?  What keeps getting in the way?  Why must you lack clarity when you know what needs to be done?  Well maybe what you’re attempting to do is not in your “sweet spot.” One way to kick procrastination in the butt is to focus on your strengths.

For people living with ADD ADHD, our brains have a difficulty prioritizing, making decisions, and setting direction to move into action when we become consumed with activities that we don’t like.  These may include procrastination, disorganization, time management, lack of focus and, of course, please fill in YOUR’s. 

You see, when you are consumed with activities that are boring, disinteresting, distracting and stressful, you can count on having difficulty getting things done. Why? At these times, our body produces an enzyme that doesn’t support prioritizing, making decisions (right or wrong) and setting direction.  Just knowing this can help you with procrastination.  We don’t have time to go into depth around this but I bet you’re thinking that maybe procrastination doesn’t have to rule you.  

Do you want to kick procrastination in the butt? 

The first thing you need to do is to ACCEPT that this is a part of your life right now. ACCEPT that it’s not your fault, you’ve done nothing wrong.  Tell yourself. “Hey, this happens to me.  No right.  No wrong.” So what – ACCEPT it is what it is.     

Another procrastination deterrent is to ask this question.  Is this the BEST USE OF MY TIME right now?

I love this question.  Now you’ve got to be rigorous with the answer.  If taking on the task of paying your bills on time, you’ve decided, is important to you, your DECISION can be your motivation; the light to reach for – not three hours of watching Law and Order. (Been there. Done that.)

So DECISION is also a component. You can also decide to delegate this task to someone so you can stay focused on your strengths.

What are you good at?  FOCUS ON YOUR STRENGTHS.  What are some of your strengths?  I hear often, “Frank, I don’t really have any strengths.” Really?

We can have a four hour telecall on this subject alone but everyone has strengths.  Here are a couple of ways to find out what your good at.

A place to begin is to recognize:

“Strengths energize. Weaknesses drain”
David Giwerc

In addition, ask yourself, what do I love to do? What is it that I do that comes easy to me that when I’m actually doing it I don’t even realize it?  What are those things that other people say to I’m great at that I push aside as no big thing. 

This is probably a strength that comes so easily, you think everyone can do it – like being excellent in math or collecting stamps when you were a kid or being a whiz on a computer. 

When we are in our groove, firing on all cylinders, I know I find myself not delaying what I love to do. I’m motivated.  I’m excited.  I’m moving the ball towards the goal.  As a matter of fact, I can see the goal and I’m eager to do whatever it takes to get there.  Can you relate?

When you learn the steps to managing procrastination you can accomplish what you set out to do and it can last a lifetime. No kidding.  I know because I have.  This is not to say I don’t fall into procrastination because I can be the King of Procrastination.  The difference is I have a blueprint to work with that helps me reach my goals. 

I suggest you start here when it comes to managing and perhaps mastering procrastination.

1. ACCEPT
2. MAKE A DECISION
3. WHAT”S THE BEST USE OF MY TIME
3. FOCUS ON YOUR STRENGTHS

As a said, there isn’t enough time to go through all of the steps like PLANNING but you can learn how to Kick Procrastination in the Butt!

In this article, you will also learn one of the six critical secrets to overcome procrastination that is essential for increased self-esteem, prosperity and success.

One: Recognize Your Challenge

The reason why Americans have more challenges with procrastination than people in other countries is somewhat connected to the fact that we accept each other’s excuses readily. Even if we think someone might be lying, if they say their grandmother had died or their car won’t start, we give them the benefit of the doubt. This makes us enablers.

For this reason, procrastinators are often on their own when it comes to recognizing that they have a problem. In the third item in this list, it is pointed out that procrastinators are often masters at self-deceit. Recognize that what you tell yourself about certain behaviors isn’t true and you’ll make a big step toward solving your problem. Now’s the time to understand that excuses do not get the job done. 

Two: Realize that it is not an issue of Time Management or Planning

“Telling someone who procrastinates to buy a weekly planner is like telling someone with chronic depression to just cheer up,” says Dr. Joseph Ferrari from De Paul University in Chicago. More to-do lists, an extra calendar and a million post-it notes will not help ease your procrastination. In fact, in many ways these sorts of things can just give you more ways to waste time and avoid doing what needs to be done and can throw you into overwhelm. 

Three: You might not be aware that you are blind to the truth

If you can see that you are blind to what is actually happening about certain things (“I thrive on pressure,” “I’m more creative working at the end of a deadline,” etc.) then you can begin to correct this behavior. If you begin telling yourself a project is less important as the deadline approaches, call yourself out.

If it was an important project a week ago, chances are it is just as important today. And, guess what, you probably won’t feel more like doing it tomorrow either. In fact, you’ll probably feel less like doing it because you will have more added to your plate and be even more overwhelmed. Ah! The dreaded overwhelm. Don’t you hate that?

Four: Keep a Short To-Do List

And I mean short. As I mentioned in the second item on this list, massive to-do lists and planning tools can simply become more ways to procrastinate. Before you start your work for the day, write down the three most important things you must do. Then do them. This is, of course, oversimplifying things because there will always be distractions and other things that come up in the course of your day. However, a clear, short list of tasks will help you keep focused without being overwhelming. Plus it keeps you motivated to move to the next set of three.

Five: Get Professional Help

For many of us, the first four tactics in this article will suffice to pull us out of our procrastination cycle. However, some people either never learned how to get things done or have just be procrastinating for so long they won’t be able to stop the behavior on their own. In this case, an ADD/ADHD coach might be necessary to help implement the changes needed.

You can learn to overcome procrastination

by unraveling these hidden stories that hinder our growth

in all areas of our lives.

One of six critical secrets for overcoming procrastination.  I mentioned that one critical secret for overcoming procrastination. There are six but we haven’t time to go over all six here.

Procrastination is not something we consciously do to ourselves.  Rather procrastination is something that happens to us whenever we encounter some event that triggers our past and the hidden stories attached to past. 

You can learn to overcome procrastination by unraveling these hidden stories that hinder our growth in all areas of our lives. Pretty interesting.  Right? 

Procrastination is a huge problem that overwhelms our lives and our society. It is just as detrimental to your health, personal relationships and overall quality of life as depression or drug addiction. Treat it as the serious condition it is and ask for help if you need it.